


Get Back Up Again

by Delibirdette



Category: Camp Camp (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Comfort/Angst, David dealing with a lot of emotions after The Forest, Gwenvid can be either platonically or romantically implied, S4Ep12, Self-Hatred, gwenvid - Freeform, post s4e12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-09-27 13:14:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20408335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delibirdette/pseuds/Delibirdette
Summary: “I was out there for twenty-eight days. Twenty-eight days, on my own in the wilderness, fighting to survive with nothing but a pocket knife and an empty wallet. Running. Climbing. Bleeding. Holding on best I could, to whatever I could…”Gritting his teeth, hot tears stung his eyes and blazed down his cheeks. Trembling. Choking on words with a voice that felt disconnected, like it wasn’t his own.“And nobody even cared I was gone.”--David struggles with thoughts of his self-worth after coming back to camp.





	Get Back Up Again

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya! Thanks for checking out this self-projection disaster. This fic takes place after S4EP12, and while it isn't /as/ spoiler-y as others, I still recommend watching it before reading this fic as you might end up confused!
> 
> I also have no idea how long David was actually /in/ the forest by himself, but shhh. It's fine. Don't worry about it. It's 28 days now in my canon.
> 
> The title and the ending song lyrics are both from/inspired by the song used in Marley Mango's absolutely incredible animatic, which can be found here [ /watch?v=MfSMoGAcMH0 ] and I highly recommend watching it if you haven't already!

Warm sunlight flooded his senses seemingly as soon as his head hit the mattress. Before, it had been a mattress that, while before had been just the wrong amount of stiff and smelled like mold, and a pillow with a softness that only outmatched a tree stump by maybe a ninth of a degree. All these things now had become a beacon of warmth and comfortable familiarity. David hadn’t realized just how much he had missed it until now.

Despite how sudden the morning had arrived, David marveled at how rested he felt. Not _well_ rested, mind you—it would take days, possibly weeks for the fatigue to completely evaporate from his body, but… he had rested. And that was enough.

For now.

David sat up, the dull ache of his body bringing him back into the real world.

He crawled out of bed, slower than he had before, getting used to the feel of his limbs. The makeshift splint rattled against his ankle. He walked over to the dusty mirror which hang on the wall and took a moment to look—truly look-- at himself.

What stared back at him in his reflection was a man who’d grown feral from wilderness survival. Battered and bruised, a whole array of colors splotching his skin. Hair plastered down with old sweat and grass. Scratches and bite marks. Dirt and grime. Bug bites and burns and stray blood.

David brought a hand to his face, taking in the sensation of the hair that had grown all around his chin and cheeks.

He smiled to himself, quiet triumph in his raspy voice, for he was finally able to utter what he had so desperately wanted to be able to say for _so long:_

“I made it. I’m alive.”

* * *

The day at camp went on as normal. _Normal_, David realized with a warmth in his chest and a spark in his step, he hadn’t experienced normal like this in over three weeks. It was familiar, it was homely… it was a beautiful, simplistic normal. David welcomed this normal day with open arms and a happy smile. He liked normal.

Until, suddenly, he didn’t.

As he looked at all the campers over dinner, all talking and grumbling amongst themselves, a sudden pang hit his chest. The smile on his face grew tight.

Normal? Why was everything so normal? He had been out in the forest by himself for so long… and the routine had just… _resumed_ as if nothing was wrong?

Did it ever _stop_? Ever _pause_ or even just _stutter_?

Did any of the campers even bat an eye that they had mysteriously lost their counselor?

Had anyone actually missed him? Go looking for him?

Did they even notice?

Did they even _care?_

“…avid…? David?”

A soft voice cut through the noise, and suddenly David realized how loud his thoughts had gotten.

Shaking them all away, he looked up from his dinner plate and was met with a pair of purple eyes. They were staring at him quizzically.

“Yes, Gwen?”

“You… you broke your fork.”

David stared down at his hand, a strained fist now with ghost-white knuckles, and where there once was a plastic fork there was now just… shards, scattered around the table.

He hadn’t realized he was holding anything. Or that it had started to cut into his palm, peppering the dining table with droplets of blood.

“Oh. Huh.” He laughed to himself. “Silly me. Always so clumsy. Let me go get—”

As David began to stand, Gwen’s hand reached out and gently gripped his wrist.

“I--- I got it, sit back down. It’s fine.”

She stumbled over her words, getting them out so quick it sounded like an urgent plea. David nodded numbly and sat back down.

“Stay here, I’ll be right back.”

He hardly even heard her as his thoughts slipped back down, once again plummeting into a dangerous dark.

* * *

The fatigue caught up with him as he left the mess hall, and his mind was so fogged he didn’t remember trekking back to the cabin.

Throughout the day, David reflected, nobody had really… said anything to him. There were moments during breakfast and morning activities where he noticed the campers eyeing him and whispering amongst themselves. A handful reacted like they were staring at a ghost, unsure if they should trust their eyes. One of them (David could only assume it was Nurf) threw a paper airplane at his head, and once it bounced off David’s forehead and it was confirmed he still had a physical body, that budding rumor died fast and not much more thought was given.

_“We actually didn’t give it any more thought,” _Nikki had looked up at him, expression blank and disinterested in anything he had to say.

_“Aw, fuck, vacation’s over,”_ Max had groaned in disgust upon just seeing David’s face.

David’s knees buckled as he sat on the bed, his full weight causing the rickety springs to screech as the mattress bobbed beneath him. He sighed, running a hand through his hair, now fresh and tangle-free from his morning shower.

The realization left him hollow, his thought echoing and repeating itself in his aching skull.

They didn’t miss him. They were happy to have gotten rid of him.

* * *

David perked up at the sound of a knocking on the door, and as he turned, he saw Gwen as she entered their shared cabin.

He felt close to breaking, but he knew he had to keep it all together. He worked himself up to smile, and it felt genuine, as he really was happy to see her. He had missed the camp, but he had also missed her something terrible.

“Good evening, Gwen!”

“Hey…” Gwen’s voice was cautious, if not a little worried. “We’re getting the campfire started, if you want to join us. But if you’re too tired, you can go ahead and go to bed. If anyone comes knocking on the door tonight, I’ll go ahead and take care of it, so you have nothing to worry about.”

“Thank you, Gwen.” David replied, “It seems like you took really good care of the camp while…”

_I was gone._

He couldn’t choke out the rest of the sentence. He didn’t want to acknowledge the gap, the weeks he had been out there. He couldn’t fathom how she had faired without him. He looked away and found himself fascinated with the wood floors below. He’d been here staring at this very same floor for so long he could probably recall the designs in the grain from memory in his sleep.

Gwen shrugged. “It’s not a big deal, really. Sure, it sucked a lot, but we managed to keep everything standing at the very least. Quartermaster was there for the kids… in his own Quartermaster-y way… and even Campbell stepped up a bit to help with everything.”

David nodded. Of course, there was nothing to worry about. Gwen was competent and independent; she could handle herself perfectly fine. Everything faired just fine. They hadn’t really been missing anything important, after all.

His smile grew strained.

_Hold it together, hold it together!_

“Well, I’m glad it all worked out.”

Gwen hummed in affirmation. David still didn’t move to look at her directly. He could feel her eyes staring down at him. Was it in judgment? In disappointment?

And then she asked the question he had been dreading all day long.

“David… are you okay?”

Typically, when asked this question, and anyone who had asked him this question before would be able to confirm, he would be able to perk right up and resume his role as carefree counselor. He would turn to face her with his signature smile and eyes alight, would nod and give her the ever cheerful “never better!” response. That was their routine, anyway, even when it was forced and it was obvious that, despite himself, he _had_ in fact been better. Gwen likely predicted the reply to end in this fashion. It always had.

But this time was different. That question was the final straw, the last brutal swing to David’s composure. In an instant the makeshift stitches frantically holding him together came unraveled, and he felt the floodgates break open. His expression dropped, he was now too tired to pick it back up, the energy in his eyes washing away.

A hesitating silence followed, and his eyes found hers for only a moment. Gwen could see then. She watched as the walls he had built folded in on themselves, and suddenly, he looked indescribably exhausted and spent. Like a man who had lived through hell and was cursed to suffer in silence.

Unable to find his voice, David lowered his gaze again and turned away.

“David…”

Gwen sat down beside him on the bed. When he didn’t acknowledge her adjustment, she reached out and gently took his hand in her own.

“Twenty-eight days.”

Not meeting her gaze, his hand clenched tightly around hers.

“I was out there for twenty-eight days. Twenty-eight days, on my own in the wilderness, fighting to survive with nothing but a pocket knife and an empty wallet. Running. Climbing. Bleeding. Holding on best I could, to whatever I could…”

Gritting his teeth, hot tears stung his eyes and blazed down his cheeks. Trembling. Choking on words with a voice that felt disconnected, like it wasn’t his own.

“And nobody even cared I was gone.”

“David, that’s not—”

“Nobody! Not a _single_ camper. Not Mr. Campbell, not Quartermaster… not even you.”

Gwen, in her shock, said nothing.

David yanked his hand away and stood up, wiping his eyes clear. The tears just kept coming despite his best efforts. He felt his voice grew small as he continued, throat tight.

“It’s not that I… _expected_ any kind of special welcome, but… I thought… I was hoping at least someone would have… noticed. Is all.”

Gwen stood up, moving to reach for him. “Of _course_ we noticed—”

“But did you _care_?!” David snapped, whipping around to look at Gwen with a watery-eyed expression that stopped her in her tracks. “Did you ever try to find me? Call the police? Start a search party?!—”

“David, I—”

“Did you think enough to miss me? D—do I—did I mean _ANYTHING_ to you? To ANYONE?!”

David’s words were met with harrowing silence. Gwen was wide-eyed as she stared at him. His body ached.

After a moment, David realized, the answer had become apparent. That silence rang loud and clear to his heart, and all he could do was laugh. He chuckled hollowly to himself, and he wrapped his arms around himself in a protective hug.

“No. That shouldn’t be a surprise, should it? Why would anyone care I was gone? I’m the _ditz, _I’m the _pathetic_ one, I’m the _good-for-nothing no-life. _In fact, I bet you all think I’m better off dead. Don’t you?”

_THWAP!_

The cabin walls echoed with the sound of skin-hitting-skin, and David’s head was thrown back, an imprint of Gwen’s palm reddening on his cheek.

“You’re an absolute fucking _moron_, is what you are!”

“H- huh?” In his daze and confusion, he was lifted right out of his funk for a brief minute.

Gwen stormed over to her dresser, opening the top drawer and grabbing a piece of paper. She unfolded it and handed it over to David.

Even in his tear-hazy vision, he could make out the giant letter print loud and clear.

It was a poster. A missing persons poster.

A missing persons poster… for him.

“We looked _everywhere_ for you, David.” She said, “We were all worried sick about you. I didn’t get any sleep, and when I wasn’t the one panicking about the lingering fear of you being eaten by bears, I was dealing with campers who _were_ panicking. The whole fucking camp was on hold because – I couldn’t handle it. None of us could.”

When he looked up from the poster, he saw Gwen was shaking, all the emotions hitting her at once.

“Gwen…?”

“I missed you. _So_ fucking badly. The police probably got sick of my calls, because I was requesting search party after search party and constantly calling in hopes that maybe they had… f—found a clue, or a sign, or… something, Anything. On nights where I was truly desperate, QM and I even went out ourselves.”

Gwen reached out and grabbed David’s shoulders, looking into his eyes. David saw now that she was on the very verge of tears, and was trying just as hard as he was to hold it all together. While he had been traumatized with the reality, Gwen hadn’t been given that mercy. The anxious fantasies she had to have endured while he was away, wanting to keep hoping but knowing with each passing day his chances for survival grew dimmer… She was just as worn out as he was.

“I can’t do a damn thing without you. And that’s not just because you’re my co-worker who takes the front of the responsibilities and lets me slack off and go to town on my nights off. This camp truly isn’t the same without your energy.”

Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, and she was embracing him. So close and so tight, like she had no intention of letting go.

David hugged her in return, feeling her body spasm beneath his arms. He realized with a pang of guilt that she was crying.

“We _need_ you, David. _I _need you. And I’m so, so happy you’re back.”

Holding her close, he tried to calm her down by running a hand through her hair. She smelled like lavender and fresh linens.

“Hey, shh… it’s okay. I’m sorry, Gwen. I’m so sorry.”

A sniffle.

“Just… don’t discredit yourself like that. Don’t think that none of us cared.”

“I’m sorry. I guess I just assumed…” He trailed off. He had already told her what he had assumed, and had gotten slapped for it.

Gwen shook her head, which was still tucked close to his chest. He could feel her smile a little to herself. “Well, don’t assume. We all care. We just… all have different ways of showing it.” She lifted her head up again to look at David in the eye, wiping the last of her tears away with her hand. “Space Kid tried to track you with constellations, you know.”

“He did?”

“Yeah. Neil kept trying to tell him how that wasn’t how it worked, but he wouldn’t listen. And Nikki almost started a fight with the squirrels trying to see if they knew of your whereabouts.”

“The squirrels.” David smiled. “You went up against the _squirrels_.”

Gwen laughed. “We thought maybe they had gotten a hold of you. Anything’s possible in this hell hole, and you know that.”

David turned away, suddenly sheepish. “Gosh, now I feel very silly. Everything just… felt so normal today, they all seemed so unphased. It was like I had never left.”

“But everyone was so _relieved_. They hadn’t been like this in a while. They were finally themselves again today.”

The way Gwen said that, all lit up with pride and relief, David knew she couldn’t have been lying. He found himself smiling, feeling a similar relief.

“I’m so glad.” His eyes glistened bright as he looked at her. “But they had an amazing counsellor looking over them, didn’t they? I have the utmost confidence that they were in good hands.”

“You keep talking like that and I’ll have to slap some more sense into you.” She jabbed, but she laughed good-naturedly all the same.

_BAM! BAM! BAM!_

It was Max knocking on the door.

_“Hey assholes! Can you hurry the fuck up? The fire’s dying and Nurf’s half a second away from seeing how many marshmallows he can stick up Harrison’s ass.”_

Gwen sighed, resigning to her fate. “Yup, back to their normal selves, alright.” She mused, opening the door and heading out. She stopped to look over at David once more. “You coming to help?”

As David followed his CBFL out the door and through the familiar campground, curses on her tongue as she called out for the mischievous campers, David’s heart swelled once more with warmth as he concluded he _did_ in fact welcome the Normal back once again.

* * *

David had half expected his guitar and vocal skills to have gone rusty over not playing for the last month. And while maybe his voice was a little out of shape, the muscle memory of the guitar came right back to him as soon as he held the neck in his hand. The coarse strings danced methodically with his fingers, the notes sweet and serene while he plucked.

For once, nobody had objected to his performance. For once, he had more in his heart to sing than just begging the kids to do their chores. He loved to sing and had missed it terribly, and when he allowed himself a moment of selfishness, he couldn’t help but feel maybe the campers had missed it too.

As the campers in question all started to doze off, the warm glow of the firelight protecting them from the cold night air, David played his final tune of the night. A song that encompassed who he was and displayed exactly how it was that he came to survive, a song that had on numerous occasions given him strength and kept him going, despite every obstacle he faced.

_Hey, I’m not giving up today_

_There’s nothing getting in my way_

_And if you knock, knock me over_

_I will get back up again_

_If something goes a little wrong_

_Well you can go ahead and bring it on_

_‘Cause if you knock, knock me over_

_I will get back up again_


End file.
